she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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