And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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