areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
