the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Come see our sink grown plant.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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