That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
