is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
