he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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