who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't turn off my feet"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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