The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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