When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
