Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize