Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize