Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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