Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
