I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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