Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Let's paint friendship bongs
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
