i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
