bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
