You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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