Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
