I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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