Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
