Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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