Your dad touched me again.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
