dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I want to be your penis for a week.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
