Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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