Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
