Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
