Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
