Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Is it penis luge time yet?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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