Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
