I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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