I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
