So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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