a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
