I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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