My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
