aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
