i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
