He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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