Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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