and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
