all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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