Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
