Duck Duck Cougar?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She bit a glass in half.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
