just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i now understand why vodka
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
