I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
