Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
