Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
