My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You pole danced in your parka.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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