hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
