You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
