Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
