I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
