Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
