i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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