Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
