not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
