PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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