Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
