i barfeds in our rink
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Randomize
