I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
