dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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