Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize