Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize