Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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