If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
