is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
