that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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